


The Pain of Love

by cassieast235



Category: DBSK | Tohoshinki | TVfXQ | TVXQ
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-02
Updated: 2015-08-02
Packaged: 2018-04-12 15:53:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4485615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cassieast235/pseuds/cassieast235
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“The greatest pain that comes from love is loving someone that you can never have.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Pain of Love

Pain is a strange entity. It is supposed to help us survive by signaling us that something is wrong with our body. Yet, it end up more often killing us. It is silent, invisible, but it is deadly. Pain can also take on many different forms. There is the physical pain which can torture every cell of the human body. It can also be mental, destroying rationality and bringing insanity to one's mind. Finally, there the emotional pain, the one that tortures the soul, the mind and mostly the heart. Pain in the heart was the most dreadful as there was not true remedy to it. And Yunho could not get rid of it no matter how hard he tried.

He was presently in Tokyo with the rest of the SM family. They had just finished their concert and were at a local restaurant to celebrate. It was not yet midnight, but a few were already drunk. It has been a very long week for them, rehearsing and performing non stop. So for tonight, they simply decided to have some fun which was well deserved , away from their idol duties. These occasions were rare so everyone was trying to enjoy it as much as possible. 

Yunho was sitting with the members of Super Junior, arguing who had the best performance, when he spotted Kyuhyun passing his arm on Changmin’s shoulders. Yunho’s mouth immediately became dry. Then Kyuhyun hugged Changmin; his mind went blank. When Kyuhyun kissed Changmin’s cheek, his heart suddenly clenched. Finally, when Changmin hugged Kyuhyun back that is when it hurt the most. Despite the pain it brought him, Yunho could not tear his eyes away from him and kept watching the two best friends from where he was seated.

Yunho was used to the pain by now. Heck, it has being more than 10 years.

It has been more than 10 years that Jung Yunho has been in love with Shim Changmin. During these years, he loved the young quiet shy Changmin, he loved the grown up strong determined Changmin, he loved the snarky teasing Changmin, he loved the powerful singer Changmin, he loved the caring maknae Changmin, he loved his every facade. 

However, theses were ten years of one sided, unrequited love. At first, Yunho refused to admit to himself what he was feeling. But as time passed, denial was not going do the trick. Instead, he tried to keep his distance in fear of revealing his secret. He tried not to show much affection for the youngest. Most of their conversation only limited at professional or idle talk for the first few years. He only contented himself of stealing occasional glances at Changmin and secretly staring at him from afar.

Yunho had everything under control, but that was until the band’s biggest crisis fell on them.

2009\. 

That was the year where Yunho’s world came crashing down on him without any warnings. In the space of a few months, everything he knew changed drastically. That year, he lost three of his closest friends. During the hiatus that followed the split, he was losing the love of his fans and he was losing Dong Bang Shin Ki, his dream. He was losing everything he held dear.

But Changmin stayed.

Changmin was by his side when everyone else seemed to have left. He stood by him during the hardest time of his life. It only made him fall harder and more intense for the younger boy.

After the split, the team dynamics changed greatly. They were no longer five, but only two which made hiding his feelings from Changmin so much harder. Keeping his distance was no longer an option for Yunho as it became a one on one relationship. That meant he had to be with Changmin all the time. They trained, they performed, they ate, they lived together. 

At the beginning, they had a difficult relationship because of their contrasting personalities. Yunho was easygoing and often oblivious to his surrondings while Changmin was organized and very attentive to the small details. That resulted in Changmin often getting angry at his hyung about most of his habits. There were many arguments, many fights and many painful nights spent crying alone for Yunho. Despite keeping a strong facade, he was very scared at that time. He was scared that Changmin will leave him too. What if he leaves? Why would he stay? Why did he stay? Yunho always wondered, but never asked.

As time passed, their relationship adapted and got better. It was now a healthy partnership. Occasional fights and arguments still arose, but they were always able to get over these obstacles. And little by little, with hard work and perseverance, they rose as Korea’s top duo, together. They protected the name of Dong Bang Shin Ki, keeping it alive. Together.

Yunho was now living his dream, the one he had since he was a little kid. He should be happy and content. He should be having the time of his life. But there was something missing. Even though Changmin was by his side, he still felt empty most of the time because he was not his and probably never will be. There was still a distance, a gap between them which he was unable to close. Every time he thought about that, the pain in his heart came back. 

Every time, Changmin got a new girlfriend, Yunho heart felt like it was going to explode. The pain of an unrequired love, the pain of loving someone knowing you could never be with them, the pain of watching the person you love be with someone else, it is a pain that Yunho knew all too well. He wanted to get rid of it desperately, but the only to do that evolved telling Changmin the truth.

And there was no way he would tell Changmin about his feelings. Yunho knew that his secret would most likely destroy their friendship, not to mention their whole career and the name of TVXQ they so desperately protected. But that was not the thing he feared the most. It was the fear of rejection that kept his mouth shut for all this time. What if Changmin hates him afterwards? What if he finds Yunho disgusting for loving a man? There were just too many what-ifs. He had so much more to lose than to gain. He could lose Changmin forever. So he contented himself of this one sided love and made the resolution to carry his secret to his grave, no matter what.

He did try to forget him. God knows he tried. However, none of his attempts ever succeeded so far. During the last few years, Yunho had several girlfriends, even a few boyfriends, but it never lasted long. It was partly because of his busy schedule, his celebrity status, but mostly, it was because of his feelings for Changmin. No matter who he dated, he could not let go of this love. How exactly does one fall out of love with the love of his life? Well, you simply don’t.

“Hyung! Are you even listening?”

Yunho was pulled from his thoughts by Donghae’s voice. He had no idea what the younger lad had said and it did not really matter. He was exhausted from the concert, from this pain, from everything. He just wanted to go home and get a good night of sleep. Yunho turned his head away from where Changmin and Kyuhyun were seated, not wanting to see more of their overfriendly interactions. Taking one last sip of soju, he excused himself and got up to leave the restaurant.

As Yunho walked to the door, a pair of concerned eyes followed him, but he never turned back to meet them. If he did, maybe he would have realised that he was not the only one that had being in pain for the last 10 years. If he did, maybe he would have realised that while he was busy trying to not get caught secretly staring by his maknae, Changmin had also been secretly staring at him for the last 10 years.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time actually writing fanfic so I cannot promise anything. Any recommendations and advices are greatly appreciated. 
> 
> English is also not my first language so there might be a lot of mistakes. Sorry about that in advance ! :3
> 
> In any case, enjoy :)


End file.
